Disney Marathon: ‘Brother Bear’

For those just joining us, this is a movie marathon with a twist. Myself (cranky 40 year old blogger), my son Josh (11 year old Nintendo obsessive) and my daughter Amelia (drama llama 9 year old) are watching Disney movies in a random order and ranking them. We hope to see interesting differences in how we organise our lists.

Film: Brother Bear

Released: 2003

Director: Aaron Blaise, Robert Walker

Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Jeremy Suarez, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Jason Raize, Michael Clarke Duncan

Plot: Alaskan tribesman Kenai, living post-oce age, attacks and kills a bear out of revenge for his brother’s death. As punishment, the spirits transform Kenai into a bear.

Review: Um. That’s kinda the whole story. Kenai (Phoenix) is hardly the most sympathetic or even likeable Disney hero. He’s actually an asshole. Every stage of his journey and obstacle he faces is entirely his own fault because he is an asshole. From the get-go Kenai is a whiney sort, giving off prequel Anakin energy. He attacks a bear, and this pointless action results in Kenai’s brother being killed by the bear. Kenai then goes out for revenge and murders the bear. For this action Kenai is turned…into a bear. It’s so weird that Disney has two movies about someone being turned into a bear to be taught a lesson about family.

Although this is a pretty unique culture and landscape to set the movie in, it’s a generic depiction of ‘natives’. There’s very little in the way of anything distinct about this movie, right down to the mystic old lady and being in touch with nature. When we become an adventure about a couple of bears travelling across Alaska, Brother Bear doesn’t even feel much like a Disney movie. This was a time when Disney were clearly feeling threatened by Dreamworks and this is definitely reflected by the marketing.

One of the more notable aspects of Brother Bear is that Phil Collins manages to deliver an even more boring soundtrack than he did for Tarzan. I can’t remember a single song from either of these movies. Every song break brings the pace of the movie to a grinding halt while Collins warbles over some landscape shots.

There’s very little story to discuss here. Some dickhead gets turned into a bear and they travel around having adventures for a bit. That’s all.

Best Song: No.

Coolest Easter Egg: Phil Collins’ performs his songs in multiple languages including French, Italian, German and Japanese meaning that no one was safe from his insomnia inducing numbers.

Weirdest Trivia: If you look this movie up on Google you may learn that many people have asked if it’s a true story.

Rating: TWO out of TEN

THE RANKING

ME

This took a very long time to write because I couldn’t think of anything to say about it one way or another.

Click those titles if you want to see what we said about the other movies.

1. Zootopia
2. Robin Hood
3. Aladdin
4. The Nightmare Before Christmas
5. The Lion King
6. Wreck-It Ralph
7. Alice in Wonderland
8. Beauty and the Beast
9. Moana
10. Big Hero 6
11. Lilo & Stitch
12. The Great Mouse Detective
13. The Little Mermaid
14. Frozen
15. Peter Pan
16. Tangled
17. The Sword in the Stone
18. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
19. Enchanted
20. Mulan
21. 101 Dalmations
22. Raya and the Last Dragon
23. Cinderella
24. Emperor’s New Groove
25. The Rescuers Down Under
26. Fantasia
27. Ralph Breaks the Internet
28. The Three Caballeros
29. The Jungle Book
30. Fun and Fancy Free
31. Sleeping Beauty
32. The Princess and the Frog
33. Hercules
34. The Rescuers
35. Oliver & Company
36. The Aristocats
37. Saludos Amigos
38. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
39. The Black Cauldron
40. Home on the Range
41. Bolt
42. Dinosaur
43. The Fox and the Hound
44. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
45. Pocahontas
46. A Goofy Movie
47. Tarzan
48. Fantasia 2000
49. Treasure Planet
50. Brother Bear
51. Meet the Robinsons
52. The Wild
53. Chicken Little

AMELIA

So Amelia may have hit her limit. She’s elected to put her participation on pause.

1. Raya and the Last Dragon
2. Frozen
3. Moana
4. Tangled
5. The Little Mermaid
6. The Rescuers
7. The Rescuers Down Under
8. Peter Pan
9. Emperor’s New Groove
10. Zootopia
11. Lilo & Stitch
12. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
13. The Great Mouse Detective
14. Home on the Range
15. The Nightmare Before Christmas
16. Mulan
17. Hercules
18. Alice in Wonderland
19. Cinderella
20. Wreck-It Ralph
21. Bolt
22. Pocahontas
23. The Black Cauldron
24. Enchanted
25. Dinosaur
26. The Aristocats
27. The Princess and the Frog
28. Robin Hood
29. The Jungle Book
30. Fantasia 2000
31. The Lion King
32. Beauty and the Beast
33. The Three Caballeros
34. The Fox and the Hound
35. The Sword in the Stone
36. Saludos Amigos
37. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
38. Tarzan
39. Oliver & Company
40. Aladdin
41. Treasure Planet
42. Big Hero 6
43. Fun and Fancy Free
44. Sleeping Beauty
45. A Goofy Movie
46. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
47. Meet the Robinsons
48. Chicken Little
49. The Wild
50. Fantasia

JOSHUA

I hated it.

1. Zootopia
2. Big Hero 6
3. Raya and the Last Dragon
4. Aladdin
5. Emperor’s New Groove
6. Treasure Planet
7. Moana
8. Ralph Breaks the Internet
9. The Three Caballeros
10. Saludos Amigos
11. Wreck-It Ralph
12. The Rescuers
13. Frozen
14. Mulan
15. The Princess and the Frog
16. The Lion King
17. Lilo & Stitch
18. The Jungle Book
19. Robin Hood
20. Bolt
21. The Sword in the Stone
22. Beauty and the Beast
23. Oliver & Company
24. Peter Pan
25. The Rescuers Down Under
26. Sleeping Beauty
27. Tangled
28. The Great Mouse Detective
29. Cinderella
30. 101 Dalmatios
31. The Little Mermaid
32. Meet The Robinsons
33. Enchanted
34. The Black Cauldron
35. The Hunchback Of Notre Dame
36. Home on the Range
37. Pocahontas
38. A Goofy Movie
39. The Aristocats
40. Fantasia
41. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
42. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
43. Fun and Fancy Free
44. The Fox and the Hound
45. Fantasia 2000
46. The Nightmare Before Christmas
47. Brother Bear
48. Dinosaur
49. Hercules
50. Tarzan
51. Alice in Wonderland
52. The Wild
53. Chicken Little